Feeling, when someone asks me "how are you feeling?" I often times do not know what to say. Do they mean physically, mentally? What are they looking for in a response. I am one who tries to say what I think people will want to hear. Sometimes this is a negative trait of mine and only leaves me to feeling bad and hurt in the inside. I do not want people to see that I am hurting and I do not want people to "feel bad" for me. So here it is, here is how I am "feeling" 3 weeks post surgery.
Physcially, I am feeling really good! I am healing well, and everyday seems to get a little easier. Tasks such as taking a shower, getting out of bed, sitting in a chair, riding in a car, are all getting easier and more comfortable everyday. It still hurts to sneeze, cough, laugh, and do some things but that is to be expected.
Mentally, I am kind of all over the place, some days are great, others days are miserable, some days are half and half, but I think that is totally acceptable given the circumstances. I found out I had cancer, I had major surgery, then I was told that they removed all the cancer, on the same day I lost my grandfather. I am also a mom of two young children so my husband and I are trying to decide what the "best" choice is for returning to school. Is there a "best" choice? As an educator myself I know that children need that social emotional development to learn and grow as respectful citizens, and to be able to succeed as an adult. Children need to learn this at a young age. I am sure my choice will not be the same as many others but we are all trying to do what is best for our children. I know I am going to try and take extra steps to keep my children and myself safe, and healthy during these times.
Another thing that has been on my mind lately is not being able to drive yet or lift anything over 5 lbs. I was told yesterday that I will be on a 10 lb weight restriction for the next 6 months! I keep telling myself "Jesse I would much rather have to take some time off and take it easy than to still have cancer". Jamie and I decided that I am going to stay home focus on myself, healing, our children and try to be the best version of myself that I can be.
Next appointments:
I will be going back to the plastic surgeon in about 4 weeks for a check up to make sure everything is healing well.
I also will be traveling back to the Hillman Cancer Center in 2.5 months for scans of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis, along with blood work. (praying that nothing has returned).
"I had cancer, cancer doesn't have me" #sarcomastrong
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